Two Times the Problem
Fandom: Mass Effect 2
(Mass Effect is a game set in the future where space travel is the norm and humans live amongst aliens. Shepard is the Commander of the Normandy, a space flight battleship. Shepard and her crew travel to other planets in different universes to fix problems. Their main purpose, though, is to save the entire human race from the feared Reapers, a god-like alien race set on destroying all of humanity.)
"Sorry, Shepard. Can it wait?"
Again and again. The same excuses. Shepard was getting a tad bit ticked off. What was his problem?
Shepard doesn't even get two words in and Garrus is already rejecting Shepard's offer to talk.
She pauses before saying, "I'll let you work."
Shepard turns around and walks off rather nonchalantly. She didn't want to worry Garrus but she did wanted him to know that she wants an answer soon.
Garrus never looks up from the control panel but his expression was rather pained as he stared hard at the holographic buttons.
------
Shepard is in her quarters, lying on the bed in deep thought. Her radio softly playing music she had downloaded from the extranet. Illegally.
"EDI, what should I do? What did I do wrong? Why won't Garrus speak to me?" As Shepard complained to the AI and massaged her temples. "He's been avoiding me ever since I broke it to the crew that I'm going out with Thane."
"I would not know the schematics of biochemistry between Turians, Drell, and Humans. I am not programmed to dwell on such things."
"I... what."
"Nothing, Commander."
good formatting -- well spaced dialogue is good
ReplyDeleteI would love to read more of your fan-fic. So far so good, very interesting. I think the way you construct your paragraphs makes it easy for readers to read.
ReplyDeletegO Tammy!!!
The way you've spaced your story makes it extremely easy to read and you've taken the time to ensure your spelling and grammar are correct, which is excellent :D
ReplyDeleteHi Tammy
ReplyDeleteThis story sounds like its gonna be interesting and cant wait for the final draft. The spacing makes it easier to read like the others commented.
Just one sentence that doesnt make sense (line 5 to 6) where it says "She didnt want to worry Garrus, but she did WANTED him to know that she wants an answer."
I think it want instead of wanted?
Loving the concept.
-kisa
I agree with the above comments, very easy to read and the beginning paragraph explaining what the story was about helped me follow it well, if that wasn't there i would have been lost! :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this, and agree with the others in that the spacing and structure make it very easy to read.
ReplyDeleteWould like to see some more soon.
Nice to read and really well structured. Your dialogue was also very well done!
ReplyDelete