The storm just wouldn’t give up, its cold
harsh winds cut through the night like a knife, blanketing the outside world in
a carpet of white snow. The headlights of my car managed only served illuminate
the impenetrable white wall. I was blind, but that was hardly going to stop me now.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept or taken a rest, I couldn’t
remember anything but this dark winter night that just like some sort of
nightmare, wouldn’t end. All I was running on now was pure adrenaline. Following
nothing but my instinct I drove my way through the deserted empty suburb.
I
found the grand mansion without any real trouble. Its large iron gates stood
ajar allowing me to pass. Not a single soul could be seen in the courtyard and
every window gave off a warm yellow light. It almost seemed welcoming. The
front door also offered no resistance and opened up into a grand receiving
hall. I held my gun at the ready and a gust of snow followed me in. Empty. Well
this was unexpected, also a little unnerving. It was like they were expecting
me.
I climbed the stairs and opened the door to
the office. A man lay slumped across it, a pool of blood forming underneath him
– this was a recent act.
“That’s quite enough Mr. Payne” an
unfamiliar voice rang out from behind me. Before I had time to see who the mystery
voice belonged to I felt a syringe being stabbed into my neck.
A green flash of light struck through head
and my vision was obscured. I feel to the ground and began to writhe in pain as
a million needles began to tear apart my skin.
“…enough…he…die”
I couldn’t make out the words as I saw the dark
shadows of men in suits swiftly exit the room.
The room became a red blurry haze.
Everything shifting in and out of focus, objects spiraling around me. I ran for
the door, my body felt light and with each step I floated through the air in
what seemed like slow motion. The room appeared to be stretching, becoming
longer – the door more further away.
”Who’s there?!” a panicked woman’s voice
called, from where I could not tell.
“Max? Is that you?” The voice spiraled
around my head louder then quieter and louder once again.
I entered a long dark hallway; it seemed so
familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time, it exited into what seemed to be a
living room, papers were scattered everywhere and several candles kept the room
alight with a unsettling yellow hue.
“Max – where are you? Max please” the
voices continued to haunt me. I climbed the stair to the second story. A baby’s
cry replaced the woman’s and I found myself in what seemed to be the baby’s
room. A crib knocked over, sheets sprawled along the floor. The sight of it
began to freak me out. I was panicking. I had to get out.
After blindly stumbling around varies rooms
and doors I found myself in what seemed like an office or a study. Things seemed
calmer hear. I noticed on the expensive looking wooden desk. That a letter sat
neatly folded. It was like it was calling out to me. Asking to be read.
I picked it up and unfolded it.
There was something disturbingly familiar
about the letter before me, the handwriting all pretty curves.
“Max.”
“You’re in a fan-fiction”
The truth split my skull open. A glaring
light washed the lies away. I was in a fan-fiction
Funny as hell, it was the most horrible
thing I could think off.
The walls were aflame and the room began to
fill with a thick chocking smoke. I could feel the world slipping away from me;
everything seemed to be happening to someone else, not me as I watched on.
Finally I faded out of consciousness.
going to move some things around and expand on others
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the re-edit version of your fan-fic, so far so good.
ReplyDeleteWhen you realized that you were in a fan fiction and "the truth split my skull open" maybe you can add more description about the "pain".
Hazel.
I liked this story, I felt the pacing of it was a little fast, you could have been a little more wordy and added a few more metaphors for the genre, but I feel the story was excellent.
ReplyDeleteYour formatting is very good, it makes the story easy to read and I always appreciate it when people take the time to make sure they have the correct spelling and grammar.
There were just a few sentences that didn't make sense to me personally, 'The headlights of my car managed only served illuminate the impenetrable white wall' stuck out to me especially. (Now that I've read it again, I realise that there is a 'to' missing x))
Very nice work :D
Cheers,
DeleteI will try to expand it out for the final version
Thanks guys, i will get to work on fixing it up
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story, I also found it a little fast paced and thought that a paragraph at the beginning explaining what the story is about would make it easier to follow.
ReplyDeleteBut other than that i thought it was very creative. :)